As parents it’s so important to have time to focus on yourself and time to focus on your partner! It’s important for the whole family’s health and wellness. In fact one way to enhance and sustain closeness in established relationships is to engage in exciting, shared leisure activities that promote a broadening of the mind (Branand, et al. , 2019) , AKA date nights!
But, before we even think about date nights we need to think about how sleep and bedtime is happening when you are home! We can’t expect Mary Poppins to swoop in to save the day if sleep is typically a war zone. So below are first the steps I want parents to take at home and then later in the blog I’ll go through how to prep your babysitter for your date night!
Step one: Developing a routine
It’s crucial to have a routine in place and know what works to calm and get your child to dreamland.
- Young baby less than 4-6 months: If you have a young baby then that maybe they haven’t mastered independent sleep yet (totally normal FYI) and therefore you just want to plan out the details of the basics – knowing in general when your baby is hungry, when they typically get tired, and how to calm them. Some examples may be that typically they have a bottle, then you change them, put in sleep sack, and offer them a pacifier in their crib. Be honest with your sitter, for example if you rock them or sing them a song keep that process going!
- For older baby 6 months through 2 years: Time to work on a routine that is predictable! Babies thrive on routines and schedules at this age so it’s important to try to keep the bedtime similar from night to night and have a routine such as read books, sing song, sound machine on, go into crib awake and they go to sleep. If your baby hasn’t learned to fall asleep on their own then this may be a time to consider that if your family wants to have others such as grandparents or other babysitters helping out frequently. More on sleep training 101 here and as always I’m here to support you through that process if needed, book a call with me here
- For toddlers and preschoolers: Having a visual routine chart can help, if you need one download my free download here ! Your child can point through all the steps with their babysitter and really empower them to take control in a positive way.
Step two: Prepping your babysitter for the night out
Once your kiddo knows the drill it’s time to let your babysitter know the plan as well! It seems like overkill to write out the routine in detail right? Isn’t it assumed to not watch TV? Why would they read 7 books and then still be up when we get home? Keep in mind that many babysitters don’t have kids of their own yet. They may think they are being helpful by listening to your child’s list of requests! It’s important to write out the expectations so that there is less to question.
Here are some important things to write down for your babysitter before you head out:
- Write out the time schedule: dinner at 5:30, games/playtime, brush teeth, three books, sound machine on, get lovey then in bed at 7:00 pm
- Let babysitter know the typical delay tactics: Yup, if your kiddo tries to pull a fast one on you then they definitely will try to get all they can out of the babysitter. If you set them up ahead of time with some of the normals then they will be ready , such as ” Henry often says he needs another night light, but we always use the red light one on the hatch toddler clock and remind him he is safe and sound in his bedroom”
- Tell your kiddo you’ll come check on them when you get home: Often times kids may want to wait up til parents get home so they can have parents put them to bed, but let’s be honest if I’m paying a babysitter I prefer to get out of doing a bedtime routine for one night 🙂 So tell your older kiddo that mommy and daddy will come give you a kiss when we get home and we can’t wait to hear about how you show your babysitter your bedtime routine!
And lastly if your babysitter is new and has never met the kiddos try having him or her come 30 minutes early to play with your child when you are home, or even better do a trial babysitting outing during the daytime once or twice before introducing bedtime. Going to bed is a big transition for kids so doing so with someone completely new can get them out of sorts.
Once you have a good sleeper, someone they are comfortable with, and someone that knows the routine… then your date night out can be relaxing and carefree knowing your kiddo is sleeping soundly at home!
References:
Branand, B., Mashek, D., Aron, A. (2019). Pair-bonding as inclusion of other in the self: A literature review. Frontiers in Psychology, 10 (Article 2399), 1–5.
