About 1 billion people in the world today are grandparents. Many very much want to be involved in helping raise their grandchildren. Sometimes that may be daily involvement in a multigenerational household or for some, it may mean visiting twice a year.
Grandparent help not only is beneficial to the grandparent and grandchild relationship, but to the parent relationship as well. Recent research shows mothers who had strong co-parenting relationships with grandparents (mostly grandmothers) tended to feel more effective in their role as a parent, and, in turn, their children tended to be more socially competent six months later (Li, X., Liu, Y.,2019).
Many families ask me how they can get grandparents involved in the bedtime routine with their children and there are many ways that you can support this connection and engage in a helping relationship. First, it depends on how frequently grandparents are visiting and how comfortable the grandchild is with their nana and papa!
For grandparents living with the grandchild
The biggest positive to grandparents living with the grandchild is that the grandchild knows them very well and has less chance of separation anxiety when Nana jumps in to do the bedtime routine. There does though need to be clear expectations of how the bedtime routine goes, schedules, and bedtime rules that need to be followed. To help with this it can be good to have a visual routine chart, especially for toddlers and preschoolers- you can download mine for FREE here!
When expectations are clear and you’ve discussed your values system, then start to discuss when it would be helpful for grandparents to be involved. Maybe you work all day and want a special time during bedtime, so, therefore, nap times may be a great place for Papa to master! Make sure to communicate with how things are going so you can work as a team to meet your sleep goals. For example, you want to make sure Papa isn’t rocking baby to sleep for naps and you are aiming for independent sleep at night!
For grandparents visiting a few times a year
It’s still important for grandparents to get to know kiddos when living far away so you aren’t complete strangers come bedtime snuggle time. Thank goodness for technology! Throughout 2020/2021 we didn’t see our kid’s grandparents for 1.5 years, but Facebook Portal to the rescue. Grandparents can read bedtime stories or daytime stories to engage children which is key to developing that strong relationship.
When grandparents do visit make sure to ease grandparents into the routine. Start by having grandparents read stories to your baby/child in the living room and then you as the parent complete the bedtime routine. Try to do this at least one or two nights before you rush off to have a date night!
Whether grandparents are visiting virtually or in-person this year I hope your whole family has a happy and healthy end to 2021 with lots of sleep-filled nights!
Reference: Li, X., Liu, Y. Parent-Grandparent Coparenting Relationship, Maternal Parenting Self-efficacy, and Young Children’s Social Competence in Chinese Urban Families. J Child Fam Stud 28, 1145–1153 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-019-01346-3
