One of the most common questions I get when giving newborn education talks is “how can involve my partner in bedtime and overnight sleep care?”. This is not a surprising question because overnight breastfeeding, and feeding a baby in general, is quite consuming in those early days.
We know that breastfeeding is being recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) for the first year of life, but if you are able to do so how can your partner also be involved in the overnight sleep care? And why is it important? Well I think most mom’s can easily tell you the importance… that she wants even a few more minutes of sleep! But the truth is that the sleep care is important for dad’s and partners too!
Recent research tells us that early bonding with their infant was often a primary goal for new fathers (deMontigny, Larivière-Bastien, Gervais, St-Arneault, Dubeau, & Devault, 2018); however, some participants also described breastfeeding as a hindrance that delayed or affected the creation of this bond. Therefore here are some ways early on your partner can be helpful and also create a strong bond:
- Practical support: this can include cooking, cleaning, and caring for other children. Before the night begins, check to see your breastfeeding partner has water and a snack nearby, make sure diapers and wipes are accessible, start the night out on the right foot. Oh, and an egg sandwich waiting in the morning was always my favorite (thanks hunny)!
- Newborn care after feeding: burping, and changing the infant’s diaper after feeding. Especially since this time can add up!
- Recognizing infant signs or cues of hunger and SLEEP:
| Getting sleepy | Needs a nap | Overtired |
| ~ no longer focused | ~ yawning | ~ increasing crying |
| ~ clingy | ~ pulling at ears | ~ clenched fists |
| ~ red eyebrows | ~fussy | ~ kicking legs |
Now after the newborn time a very beneficial role can be aiding in the bedtime routine. In the first few months it is very hard to keep a baby fully alert at the end of feeding, but as the baby reaches 4-5 months and is more alert you can start to separate eating from sleeping (not necessary but can really help if night awakenings are becoming an issue after 4 months).
I usually recommend that to develop a bedtime routine mom feed the baby (if breastfeeding) in the living room, or nonsleep environment, then the partner not breastfeeding takes the baby to the bedroom or safe sleep space and does a short bedtime routine such as reading a book, singing a lullaby, then placing the baby to sleep in bed drowsy but awake. Once this has been established then partners can rotate who does the bedtime routine.
Over here since we have two children we often take turns putting each child to bed so we get equal bonding time with each child (although there is a lot of bonding time throughout the day right now haha). I feel incredibly blessed that I have a partner that is bonded with our children, and those connections can start early on. I hope these tips were helpful in giving your partner the confidence they need to help with bedtime and overnight sleep care.
References: Sihota, H., Oliffe, J., Kelly, M. T., & McCuaig, F. (2019). Fathers’ Experiences and Perspectives of Breastfeeding: A Scoping Review. American journal of men’s health, 13(3), 1557988319851616. https://doi.org/10.1177/1557988319851616
